Feeling your feelings after being let go from a company you helped build
Yesterday, a good friend was let go from a startup he joined 4 years prior as employee #25. With 400 people and plans to IPO, the company no longer felt he had the right skills and experience-level for his senior role. When he sought a sympathetic ear this morning, I was reminded how hard it is to find comforting advice for navigating the moment that your company ‘outgrows’ you.¹
Its common knowledge that founders tend to be replaced and the internet abounds with first-hand recounts from ex-CEOs opening up. However, there isn’t much for others outside the C-suite that have endured a similar fate. For some, it may feel embarrassing. No one wants to admit that they got booted off the shiny rocket ship. But these types of departures shouldn’t be stigmatized. Its a practical matter of an employee’s skills being an exceptional match for the company’s growth from A to B. Now the company has moved into a new stage of its existence and a different skillset is better suited to the type of work being done.
So in that spirit, here is the email I wrote to my good friend in hopes of cheering him up (names have been redacted.) For whoever who is reading this now, here’s some advice from a stranger on the internet that wishes you well.
Dear _______,
It hurts. Even if it was the right time for you to leave, you didn’t get to make the decision. Your company made it for you and that feels very personal. After your family and your marriage, your job is one of the key pillars of your identity. To be clear, your job does not define your worth.
But considering the amount of your life spent working in terms of literal time and mental energy, ___Company name____ was a major part of you.
That’s significant. You gave so much, not only things like your hard work and knowledge, but you gave loyalty, dedication and a willingness to work for less money because this company was changing the status quo. And now it feels like the company did not reciprocate any of those feelings or even recognize you did that for them.
Letting you go with no other shared reason besides, “We had outgrown each other.” is frustrating to hear. If it was a performance-based issue, at least you’d have answers to ‘why me?’ But it’s not and you won’t ever get those answers.
So here’s the deal. You’re going to ride through some uncomfortable, unpredictable waves of emotions — angry, sad, confused, happy, bitter. You just abruptly lost a major pillar of your identity without any time to prepare and without closure. _________ is never going to say “This is why we let you go.” and that’s deeply unsettling.
But it does not matter why they let you go. It really doesn’t. This is what you need to know.
You shined brightest when the company was young because you are someone who thrives working at early-stage start-ups. Your traits are different from an individual who excels at a well-established corporation.
So if you work at a start-up again. And you’re exceptional at your job again. And you prioritize the work you enjoy versus getting better at navigating the corporate diplomacy that often comes with a larger company…well then, I’ll be honest…you will likely be let go again in the future.
But do you want to change what drives your professional satisfaction to remain working at company that isn’t well-suited for you any longer?
There’ll be things you learned there about yourself and can improve — there always is. Self-reflection is valuable and you should take the time to do it. But do not think, “If I had just done X, Y or Z differently, I’d still be working there.” because did you even want to really still be working there?
I’m sorry. Losing a job truly sucks. It won’t feel that way in the short-term but ultimately this is a good thing for you. I’m excited to see what you do next. You’re a smart person who works hard. You’re going to be successful no matter what you do.
Your friend,
Alice
- This is not about a traditional layoff in which roles are eliminated due to downsizing or financial struggles. This article is about when your skillset no longer fits with the company’s current needs so a separation is forced.
